Is it ok that I have written about this pregnancy less than five times in eight months? I don’t know. Maybe I should have written about it more. So, here’s a bit about how I’m feeling at 33 weeks pregnant, and what we’ve been doing about it. I’ll talk a bit more about other aspects over the next few weeks, too.
What I’m thinking about in week 33
Despite spending a considerable amount of time wondering what life will be like with another child in it, I haven’t actually given much thought to the baby itself, well, not in the way I did before Tibbs was born. I haven’t wondered what they will look like. I know what sex the baby is, so I haven’t wondered about that. I’ve assumed, that, after being given a sunny, happy, content firstborn (aside from the reflux and the perpetual early waking), that the next one will be the sort of challenge Bear Grylls sets.
All I can really think of is how different life will be for the three of us with another child in it. Mostly, it’s excitement and trepidation of the unknown, but, flat honestly, I don’t always see the ‘good’ different. Everything we’ve done in the past few weeks, I just feel a foreboding ‘this’ll be the last time that..’.
What I’m feeling in week 33
I’m feeling very content in our home, which, I guess, is the nesting process beginning. I love Autumn anyway, it’s my favourite season, and now, with a baby’s birthday, I’ll have even more to look forward to as it approaches.
Sometimes I’m really calm, sometimes I’m very, very angry. I’ve had some CBT in recent months, and that has really helped me recognise the start of the spiral of anger, and, sidestep it. It’s also helped me avoid the triggers. I’ll talk to anybody about CBT these days, so if you’ve got any questions, get in touch. Talking therapy has really changed my ability to cope. Hasn’t stopped me being anxious though!
I’m feeling very in love with my husband, as well as our daughter. He never fails to win me over with his placid devotion to our girl, his sense of fun, his relaxedness. He puts up with a LOT of shit from me. I can’t wait to see him with a newborn again.
I’m becoming lightly hermit-y, though. I’m at the no-fun stage now. I can’t walk as fast as people, I can’t drink, I can’t join in with baby chat because I’m too negative. I’m thinking I’m better off indoors.
What’s hurting in week 33
Physically, I’m really done with pregnancy. The two friends of mine who were due within weeks of me have already given birth (through complications, not choice) and all three of their girls are thriving, thank God. It’s making my pregnancy feel even longer. I can’t sleep, really. I’ve got terrible restless leg, numbness and pain in my left leg, heart palpitations and shortness of breath. It takes about an hour to get to sleep, and I’m up three times for the toilet, then awake from about 4.45am usually.
This baby is all up front and the placenta is at the back. Have you had a pregnancy experience like this? You feel everything. It actually hurts after a long session. And, this baby also likes to get physical between 10-1am, and then again at about 5am. I made the mistake of Googling this and it’s full of chirpy mothers saying “oh yes, it definitely meant they were awake at those times when they were born, too”. You can see how, for an anxious person, the signs aren’t looking ahhh-mazing.
Last pregnancy, I had SPD, which made me a right barrel of laughs, with a limp and a real attitude problem. This time, I’ve just got the latter if you catch me at the wrong time.
What I’m reading in week 33
Not a lot, to be honest, that I didn’t read before. I tried looking at Mumsnet name threads for inspo, they just annoyed me. I have tried to read a book called ‘Coping with Two’ and it just made me worry. My friends are really inspiring me though, Beautiful Tribe‘s latest post on her third daughter, for example. Also, The Little Pip’s post on parenting courses second time around has inspired me.
I’m also looking at a lot of photos of my first baby, and talking a lot with her about what she was like, and what we did when she was little, to try and get us both in the swing of things.
So, there you go, bit of a long read, and maybe a bit of a stark look at how pregnancy can sometimes make one feel, but, I’m very hopeful that in a few weeks, I’ll have a brand new reason to smile, to put alongside all my other reasons, and make a bigger grin.
A new baby. Bloody hell!