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You are small, and poorly

My girl, you are small, and poorly. And I had to go away for work. And now I feel small, too.

When I ran into your room at midnight because you were crying my name, after the initial revulsion at the horrible smell of vomit and calling your poor, half asleep dad to assist me, I muttered under my breath, ‘this is all I need’.

I feel so guilty about saying it, thinking it. Because actually,Β all I really need is my family, of which you are the tiny, thrumming heart.

I said it because I had to hop on a plane to a meeting today and I was worried I’d have to cancel if you were poorly. We thought you were better, but you were sick on your dad as he tried to drop you at nursery. Which earned you a 48 hour exclusion and a day with dad at home.

It was really hard for us all. I hated being away from you but I enjoyed being part of the conference I was at. Your dad loved taking care of you, but hated being out of the loop at work and worried about keeping up. You nibbled at food, tried to be cheery, were a little less bossy. You’re asleep now and I really want to go up and see you.

I felt really lucky today, to know you were safe with your dad, to enjoy my work and feel supported, and to know that you were feeling better. I felt horribly guilty at the same time, though, that I wasn’t there, and that your dad couldn’t work.

Us three peas in this pod, we will be ok. And tomorrow, whilst I look after you and put CBeebies on so I can do two conference calls, I’ll try not to feel small, and appreciate the extra four hours together that this nursery exclusion will bring us. I’m thinking let’s do some drawing practice. Or maybe read a book or seven.

 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Hi Eleanor, I am new to Bristol (just moved from America) and new to blogging! I stumbled across The Bristol Parent and love what I am finding. I am so sad to hear your little girl is not feeling well! I have a few essential oil tricks that I use to keep myself and my family healthy, especially when we are all in and out of schools and public transport. I would love to share them with you if you are interested. You can visit my Facebook page for more information http://www.facebook.com/dotessence and check out my blog to follow my new adventure… It’s all slowly coming together! πŸ™‚

  2. aww her little face πŸ™ poor poppet I hope she’s feeling better and i totally know the pull where you want and need to be in two places at once. x

  3. Rachel Rachel

    Annabelle said “Get well soon!” when I told her Carys is poorly. Xxx

  4. Oh god would you look at that face. So gorgeous!

    Sorry she’s poorly and sending lots of get well soon vibes. Damn that 48 hour exclusion zone but it is sometimes lovely to have that special time together xx

  5. It’s horrible seeing them poorly isn’t it? Hope she’s feeling better xxx

  6. Efi Efi

    Poor wee thing! And poor wee mum and dad too! So tough to handle these situations when they come up. Thanks for sharing Eleanor, it must have been really tough. As I have too recently returned to work I, day-by-day, become more divided between my intrinsic need to be a great mum to my kid and my drive to be kick ass at my job.
    Hope you all feel better soon πŸ™‚

    • Hey! I know what you mean, it truly makes you want to be a better parent, when you’re not doing it all the time, if you see what I mean!

  7. I know that feeling well. Bea was literally just sick all over her bed tonight and my first thought was, will you be off nursery, will you give it to your siblings, who will be off school, will I have a nightmare week? And then i felt guilty as she looked at me in that worried way that melts my heart. The truth is, we will all be fine. Work, school, nursery will all still be there when we get back to them.

    Glad to hear she is feeling better xx

    • Aw I hope your little girl has woken up feeling better too

  8. Ah I hope she’s much better now. It’s so horrible when they’re ill, especially when you can’t just switch off the outside world and focus on taking care of them – which is all you really want to do I guess. I remember when F was poorly when I’d started a new job and I had to leave her with her dad while I went to work. It was horrible. She doesn’t remember it now though!

  9. Oh it’s awful when they’re unwell. It really does highlight their smallness, their vulnerability. No more sickness for the rest of the season!

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